37. Jello Salad - Al's journey back to the pod

HELLO JELLO! 
Welcome to the very first episode of "Jello Salad," by The Mid Mom where I mix together all the quirky, chaotic, and a deeply personal call to serve by answering a spiritual pull from the other side that keeps me coming back to podcasting. 
This episode is a crash course in what this show is all about...no real answers - just livin' off good vibes and sure signs you know what i'm sayin??
We’ll also take a lighthearted look at the *First Vision* because honestly if Brother Joe can have visions and not be called insane, then same. 
Let's dive into the wobbly world of being an ex-Mormon, complete with cult commentary, algorithm anxieties, and the pressure to keep your Instagram grid perfectly curated. 
So grab a spoon, and let’s dig into the jello salad of life, where every bite is a little weird, a little wonderful, and totally worth it.

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Eat Pray Slay Kweens!

Transcript

0:18

Hello and welcome to the jello salad show. I'm your host. My name's Al and, um, You might know me as the med mom, you might know me as. The crazy lady with twins, because I have been called that before. Um, You know what you can call me whatever you want. I don't even actually care, but I. Have decided to already switch it up a little bit. I, I did a show last week about. Like lively and Taylor swift, like um, I don't know. I thought that I could be like a. Uh, Uh, pop culture. Uh, podcaster, but turns out that's literally next to impossible when you have four kids and, um, you're either in your car or doing dishes or. Laundry. Like my hands are always busy. But my brain is constantly going. So, um, I'm still here. I haven't given up on this yet. It's. Ah, it's something that I just can't get rid of. Like I can't. Move on from having a podcast. I don't know what that means. I don't know if that is a sign that I should do it, or I don't know if maybe that's a sign that I should stop doing it because I'm not. That good at it. Um, but practice makes perfect, you know, it's Kobe Brian's birthday today. So. If that guy taught me anything. It's just to work on your craft. Like if you want to do it, go do it. So that's what we're here for. I M., as much as I don't. I don't know. I'll just tell you my thinking. This is going to feel a little bit scattered and all over the place, but honestly, That's just how it is. Like, I don't have a script in front of me. I don't have notes. I'm just going to, um, I guess tell you how I feel. About this whole thing and what I actually plan on doing, because. I'm trying to pretend I'm talking to Ben. But him being here. I feel like makes me a little bit, not nervous, but. Just different. Like, I just want this show to be my own voice. And, um, Maybe I'll have guests on, maybe I won't. Maybe. I'll talk about celebrities. Maybe I'll talk about cults. I mean. I've been in one for a really long time. I left that and I'm feel like I'm currently in another one. But I also feel. Really done with. A lot of things. And so I think that's just. Where I'm coming from is just like a place of. I just hope. I just hope this comes across as real because my voice. In the episode I put out last week. It sounded amazing. I sounded really, really smart. The things I was saying was a little bit all over the place. Like I listened a couple times and I was like, I can't do that. Like, I don't even like this. It didn't help that I, um, I recorded it twice. And neither of those worked. And I feel like those were the ones that were the best. Um, just with my points and like, What I was trying to, what. What I was trying to do. Get across. Um, but by the time I had rerecorded. It's like, I thought I already said things and then I didn't say them in the one I did post. And, um, so many things had also changed like, Pop culture and anything on the internet and moves. Really really quickly. And I just. It's not for me. Like I need the updates from someone else. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm just here to kind of give you a real life. Look at things So anyways. We're back here. You will not find the episode I released last week about Blake lively and how she's a low key. Piece of shit, human. Um, You will find some of my previous work I have done. This is my fourth season on the podcast. Two are in this show. I also did a different show for season three with my friend. And that just didn't quite seem to pan out. I, I think I forgot what it was like to have little kids. And she still has little kids. And just the scheduling and time commitment was just not. An easy thing to. It just, wasn't an easy thing to manage. Like things were always coming up as they do as a mom. And, I was, I was really, really nervous actually, every time we recorded and I don't know why, I think I have a bit of a complex. About a lot of things. But for sure when it comes to having, um, ADHD as an adult. And like finally getting diagnosed about a year ago. I. I really am hyper. Aware and really sensitive about the fact that. I forget words, or sometimes I can't even string a sentence together. Like, especially at night time when my meds have worn off. Um, Very aware of that. And I don't think I was before. So I put a lot of pressure on myself when I was doing the show with Simone. I still have every episode recorded. It was just on a separate thing. And so it's not still in the show, but. I could, I could always rerelease them, like on this, like kind of like a vault track from Taylor swift, like things that like Hm. Maybe you need to know about. Things. And maybe you don't like, maybe it's just all obsolete and who the fuck cares anyways. It's just like, whatever, let's move on. But yeah, between scheduling and myself feeling really, really stressed out about the whole thing. And just Like being able to respond. And sound smart or sound. Like I had a valid opinion about things. Um, made me nervous for sure. So. We ended that back in may and I just. Keep feeling pulled in this direction. Honestly. I know why. And Um, I feel like if I tell you I'm going to sound crazy, but I also. Can't. Say that that's not true. Like how I'm feeling is not true. Like I can't deny. Th that I should be doing this. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Like hearing, hearing myself say those words makes me sound. Literally insane. And like, I should be committed. But I feel a very strong. Um, Push. From someone on the other side. I feel his presence. Quite often. And pretty continuously in my life. I recognize. Um, How blessed I am. And I also recognize. The I have been put here to do something. I know it's. I know. I know, it sounds crazy. Like I actually know, and I, when I say those words, I'm like, oh my gosh. Allison like. Is it all in your head? Or is it real in a, at this point? I mean, I don't know. I honestly feel like we're truly living in a matrix anyways. So who the fuck cares? Literally. Nothing actually matters. Like when you look at it in the grand scheme of things, and if you're getting all like, woo woo. Spiritual, which I. Low key fuck with. I love that shit. Aye. 100% feel. Like I have been called. To do this. And. I can't not do it. Because of that. I have had. Very intense. Um, Experiences. Whew. Within my home when I'm out on my dog walks. When I am in a restorative yoga class. When I'm driving in my car. Telling me. To keep going and to keep doing this. And that, um, I don't, I don't know why. Exactly. But that's what I'm getting. From the other side. And it's from someone I wasn't even super close with. But I feel it. I feel it. And I can't, I can't help it. It's like. Whew. I always joke. But it's like, okay, well, what, what I just heard or saw, or whatever is no different than from like what Joseph Smith. Said that he heard and saw. So why do I feel crazy if he. Went and legitimately started a full-on. Cult with what he believes he saw. So I'm not here to start a cult. I am just here to. Share what I've been feeling lately, I guess. And it's going to be kind of, of log it's going to be. Kind of a space where. I can just. Really be myself really be real. Um, I'm going to try not to use my radio host voice and get into any type of character. Like, I don't want to do that anymore. I do think it helped at the beginning, but I don't. I don't want it anymore. And. The thing that really. Made me realize that this week is, um, I don't know. So I was going back in my Instagram feed after. After choosing to be violently humbled by chat GPT. Commenting. On my Instagram feed, like on the grid itself. It's like a trend I think going on right now, I've seen a few people do it and I was like, oh, that's hilarious. So I said, Um, Roast the med mom. And. It made me realize, like, it was kind of mean actually. If I'm being. Totally honest. It was really kind of rude and harsh. But in the best way, like I just was like, oh, I used to just post whatever the hell I wanted. And it was fine. And I would put on like the worst filters and I even went back. Far enough. So I started this account in 2012. I don't even know the name of my previous account before that. Because I. I don't know if I deleted it. Um, I might've, I was going through it. You guys back in 2012. And I, I kind of did what Taylor swift did when she reputation herself and cleared her whole grid and came back like a resurrected queen. Um, That's kind of. How it feels because. I don't remember much before. 2012 with my kids. And I can't even remember when I got an iPhone. Um, Because for a long time, I just had a Blackberry Pearl that was white and really cute. And I would play brick breaker on it. That's super dating me, but I am a 44 year old woman and I have four kids. And I mean, my oldest is in university. No, not even my oldest, my oldest three. Our in university. And I just feel like I have a lot of experience and a lot of things to say, And it's just. I don't know, I don't know what this is going to be, but I hope you're here for it. And I, um, Where was I? Oh, going back to my chat GBT. So chat GBT is like, girl, you look like a wine mom trying too hard. You tried to be like the cool mom. And it came off as cringe mom. And I'm like, girl, I know, I fucking know.'cause I've been trying to like. Give Instagram what the algorithm wants. And not what Al wants. So, this is what Al Watts and you know what, if you're here. And listening. Fabulous. I don't know. Um, I do know, I think you're going to like it. I think you're going to like what I have to say. I think I have some really smart questions and thoughts and ideas. And I've been really afraid to say them for a really long time. And I just, I'm not sugarcoating things anymore. Like at all, even in my real life. So when I saw. What chat GPC chat GPT had to say about my feet. Aye. I missed being that person that just posted whatever the hell they wanted and went about their day. And would get like, 200 likes and 50 comments on something. Because their friends were actually seeing it. Um, it's just turned into such a weird. World. And it's based on like what you watch and what you're commenting on and who sticks around for your videos. I don't even make videos. But. This morning, I was awakened. Around five 30 from the wind. And, um, Like our blinds were moving really annoyingly. So I had to get up and like adjust them and. Close the window a little bit more just cause it was really annoying and I thought, okay, I'm going to sleep for another hour and then I'm going to get up and go to the gym and then I'll walk max. Um, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I just started posting old. Photos and trying to do it like month by month. You can do 20 photos now in a regular post. And remember when Instagram first started, it was like one, and then it was a few and then it was 10. And here we are at 20 guys. And so going through my, my camera roll. I just saw so many moments of like really fun or cool things that I've never shared before. And not that I even. Feel like I need to share them. It's like, I need somewhere for those to live for myself. I need a place where the. Bajillions of photos. I take like. And videos. I need somewhere to put those.'cause I feel like I've been hanging on to something. By not being able to like delete those or let those go. Just because I've been so busy. And I've also been so full of anxiety. And overthinking posting. Anything. That I haven't done it. But then I also don't print anything out. I don't have. More than like five family photos in my house currently, which is so weird because we get family pictures taken every single year and they're adorable. But I think I just get overwhelmed. Um, Sorry. I get overwhelmed with. Wondering what people want. I'm wondering. What's really important to me. And wondering. If I'll get more than three likes and guess what? I've come to the point where I really don't care. How many likes I get, like, I think I posted probably close to 120 photos this morning in about six different. Grid posts. Like they're on my grid there per they're permanently there. But. So far, I've made my way to Festivus 2023. And, um, I just want to go back to being like, Real with what's actually important to me. Instead of forcing things that. Maybe don't matter as much and maybe trying a little bit less hard. To feel or like to fit in. Or two. Get the likes. And I know that that's not what Instagram wants or what Tik TOK wants. And I know that my setup is ghetto and I don't care anymore. Like I can't. I can't keep being so concerned about. How things appear on the surface. That I'm not. Able to be myself. Um, So we actually had fairly pictures last night and. Every year I do this. Like, I'm so happy to be going. I love our photographer. I love her. Like dearly. She's my friend. She is so talented. Um, and. I would have posted every single behind the scenes shot of my family pictures last night. Because it was so fun. And I brought my camera, like I brought my phone. My Fanny pack may or may not be in some of the shots, but I don't even care. Like I just wanted it to be pretty casual and fun. That's when you get the best. Things. And then with my phone around, my kids are grabbing it and taking like. Cute pictures of themselves that you find on your camera later. And it's just, it's honestly the best, but then I'm like hesitant to post things on stories, because I know that our photographer. Like, what she's taken on her camera is going to be so much better than this. And it's like, am I giving it all away too soon? Like just, just do what you want. Just post the shit. Post-it. It doesn't matter. Stop overthinking. Stop thinking you're like being annoying. Because if you like it and you want to do it, then just do it. I give you permission. Okay. Anyways. I've just been holding back, I think, because I'm like, oh, I don't want to give too much away, or I don't want to like, put it all out there for everyone to see. But I actually really do. And I actually feel like if I do that, people will see me for who I. Am I. And. Maybe still love me for it. Maybe they won't, but I'm finally at a place where I actually feel. Confident within myself that I know. Um, well, I want in life. And what I want in life is different than. What some of my friends want and it's different from. What some of my family wants. It's different and that's okay. I think that's what is so great. About life. And. It kind of, um, It's kind of like a hard place to get to because. So I had this conversation with a friend the other day. She was struggling with. With, um, separating from her husband. Um, and She struggling with the fact that her kids. Are still going to be going to church. Right. So. Um, that's a big thing, and that's a big thing when your kids are little and they're very easily influenced and can be very easily indoctrinated by something that you. Don't agree with, or that you no longer agree with. And, um, so I was talking to her and I just said, All like the only thing you can control. Is how you react to. Your kids going to church. So maybe go to church with them so that you can hear. What they're hearing, and then you can have like an open conversation about. Um, things that might be confusing or might not align with what you're trying to teach them. Um, I think that's like a really mature and responsible approach. I don't think it's an easy approach. But I think it's one that. Um, Is beneficial. To you. And your kids. And I had to reassure her. That at some point, her kids are going to be able to make decisions for themselves. Um, I always tell people like anytime they, they ask questions about. Raising kids and, um, I know, I make it look fun and easy. And that's probably why. Or like, you probably see how great my kids are. And I do. I do give myself a lot of credit for that. But it's not without the difficulty. It's not without the difficult things that we've had. That we've been through as a family. That my kids don't even know about. And it's things that I would be okay with them knowing about. And it's things that they don't need to know about. Do you know what I mean? Like. There's always so many different layers in any relationship, whether it's between your spouse or your mom. Um, Your friends. Your kids and each kid is so different in each friendship is so different. And. Each. Each relationship with each parent is so different. Like I. I have a mom and dad still. At a mother-in-law. We lost our father-in-law not too long ago. But all of those relationships are really different. And. And every kid is different that you're raising. And there's no guidebook. There's no help. Um, I mean there's support from other people, but like nobody really knows. What they're doing, and it's just like, It can sometimes be really, really difficult and really, really overwhelming. Like I fully get that. And so I just was trying to talk to her. About. The fact that your kids don't stay little forever. And that your kids will develop their own. Opinions based on what you're teaching them and what their. Other parent is teaching them. And even though those things may or may not align with each other, like the different ways that you're raising them. When, when you are separated and I don't have experience in this, I've only seen it happen. Um, They come to their own conclusions eventually. And. It's up to us to support them and to accept. What they want. Based on. What we've taught them. And that's our job. Our job is to do our best. And, um, I cried in the car the other day to bed, because I just said. Oh, I had one day of crying today or last week. Okay. That's it. And it was a real roller coaster because the day before I was like really stoked and happy and. You know, my fun, chaotic self, and then a bunch of stuff just kind of hit hard. And, um, I said twins is really hard. I think it's, it's really hard to have twins. And not only physically as like a mom. Carrying them and nursing them and taking care of them. But it's so intense, like. It's double. So, whatever you did and whatever you feel with one kid having twins is like, Just another level. And when they both. Um, Grow up. And start college and university. It's it's. Really exciting to see them go and to go do awesome things. But it's really, really fucking expensive. It's so expensive. It's so. Expensive. To have twins like. Everything's double. So think about a kit, a crib and car seats. And, um, Braces. Uh, car. University. Um, It's a lot. It's a lot and it's okay. That it's a lot, like I. would not. Trade it. But while they're in my care. I feel like I've done my best, even though sometimes it shit. And for sure, a lot of the times I was lacking and for sure, I was. Neglecting, either the house or another kid. Or something just to manage. One kid. It's hard to be a mom. It's. Really, really great. And it's really, really fucking hard. Um We're feeling more slain than slay. Sometimes. But I think that's normal and I think that's okay. And I just. I just. Truly think that if you're doing your best. And if you are. Living. How you actually want to live. And a lot of the times it's really hard to even know how you want to live or how you want to teach your kids how to live. I mean, that's hard too. Like. Like we're all just here to figure it out. And it's. It's insane to me how some people think they have it figured out. Because I don't think anyone does. And then I also wonder the people that truly strongly believe that they do have it figured out. Do they actually believe that. Or are they just more vocal than the people who are like, uh, I don't know what the hell is going on. I'm going to try to figure out for myself, but I'm going to just kind of like go along with things for a long time. Um, I don't know. I don't know. It's hard. It's hard to know. What you're doing. Because. We just don't. And with. I'm I'm only using Instagram. Like. Instagram seems like a really shallow example. Of what I mean by all of this. But, um, It's actually like a perfect example because what started out as something simple. And creative. And. Kinda messy, but like showed a lot of personality. Has now changed and morphed into this completely different place. Right where. Where your numbers matter? It's more about numbers and trends. Then. Actual substance, I think. And, um, I feel like once a trend is a trend it's already. Not a trend. Like Demir is huge right now, but about four weeks ago, everyone was talking about a brat summer and everything was bright green, which is my favorite color. But like everything was bright green. And everything was so brat and no one even really knew what it meant, but it was like, okay, this is cool. Like, I guess this is what we're doing. And it, it shifted so fast to demure. And cutesy and mindful. That it's like, we're just constantly getting whiplash. Like I, I don't know how else to explain it. And we're, or just always trying to keep up. And it's impossible. It's literally. Not humanly possible to keep up. At least in my experience, like I don't, I don't, I don't know how you'd keep up. And. I haven't kept up and I regret that. So I've gone back through the last year, kind of when I really started second guessing everything I was doing. Um, Is around the time I started ADHD meds. And I asked Ben the other day, actually, I was like, do you think my meds are making me. More dumb. And he's like, no, we were walking the track at the Y when we had this conversation. He said, no, I think you're actually just more aware. Of. Maybe some of your behaviors. Or your thoughts? That aren't. Necessarily. Um, I don't know, he didn't mean it as a burden. Okay. I don't even know how to say it, but like the ADHD meds. Have. Made me hyper aware of a lot of things. I do think. They did induce a little bit of anxiety. Um, I truly feel like my frontal lobe didn't even develop until I was 43 and a half years old. When I started taking 10 milligrams of Vyvanse, like. I actually could feel. My frontal lobe inside my skull. Zapping. Like within a day of taking the meds. So. Aye. I really went through it last year, like in, in every way possible. I broke every single thing down. And I tried things that didn't work. And I. Locked myself in my room when I wasn't feeling. Quite myself. Because I feel like my true self is a very happy. And bright. Person. But when I'm feeling stressed out and I know this happens to a lot of people, like stress just. Really does something to your body and your. Mind and your soul, like you're not the same person when you're stressed out or when your period's about to start. Like any time I have a full on. Manic episode. Within the next. One to five days. I guarantee my period has started. And that is just a fact of life. That's just something I've had to get used to. And poor Ben he's had to get used to it too. I just, I just think things are really. Really hard and we're all trying to like, keep up. And maybe it's okay if we don't. And maybe it's okay if we just start doing things that feel good and right to us, like. Maybe it's okay. That I've backed, posted from last September, from like around the first day of school last year. Literally 11 months later. I'm catching up because I felt too anxious and too overwhelmed by the number of photos and videos in my camera. Roll. And also like, What people were expecting from me. So when you look at like trying to do a reel and put it to music and have like the beat. Drop every time, a new. Picture or video starts. Like. I have so many drafts. I have so many things I've never shared that I've wanted to, and that is just all such bullshit because when you actually do it, when you actually do things that you want to do, You feel a lot better about yourself and you really. Become a lot more confident and sure about. Things that you want. And not even just an Instagram. But like, This world is hard and crazy and just changes so quickly. And it's really, really hard to keep up with the trends. I, I don't even like the trends. Like I know them all. But as soon as someone else's like, This is how I make a healthy lunch. It's so demure. It's so mindful. I'm like, girl, that was, that's not your line. Like be original. There's no originality. There's no personality. And I, I did say that in the. Post that I unpublished or podcasts that I unpublished about Blake lively. Like I feel like she has no personality. And that she's trying to. Maybe act like her sarcastic, funny, cute husband, Ryan Reynolds. And it's not coming off cute for Blake. Cause that's just not her. And I think if she was more real than people would like her.'cause I think we thought we knew who she was. Oh, this stuff's coming out and we're like, oh, she's actually like a low key. Bitch. Who's super insecure. Uh, so there's that. Uh, but, um, I, I can't help. Hating things that are fake. Like I hate it. I feel like I can see right through it. And that's probably because I'm currently in a cult and I've also left a call. Like I'm very familiar with. Cult-like. Um, Behaviors. It's impossible for me to not see anymore. And I just. I just want to be here and I just want to be a place that literally makes fun of. Everything, but it was also. Super into like, The weird shit. And the weird questions. And the. The things that like, no one's really talking about or, or maybe they're starting to, but like, people are scared to, I just, that's more of what I want. I just want more realness. That's really all it is. I want more connection and more realness with really good people. I think there are a lot of good people. I think that a lot of people are very confused. For good reason. And. I was confused for a really long time, like for a really long time. And I was also really hard on myself. And probably my husband. For a really long time. I placed a lot of blame on people or things that maybe didn't deserve it. Um, But I am here to say how much. I have shifted and grown and changed. And have come to love myself. I've come to love my life. Through the bitterness and the anger and the betrayal and heartbreak that I felt. Because those feelings are all very real. And if I really think about them, I get pretty bothered and. Kind of puts me in a bad mood, but I'm also at a place now. That I don't get as triggered. As I used to, and I thought that I wanted jello salad to be like a. Pointing out. Cults and connections and hey did, you know, this or that. And that's not. That's not me. Um, I'm here to give you my, my feelings and my real opinions. About. Things that matter to me. And maybe they matter to you too. Like, I. I don't know. But if it doesn't feel right then I can't do it. Um, so that's why. I deleted last week's episode. And that's why I'm shifting already. Like, I'm happy that I'm happy that the whole. Blake lively controversy. Brought me back to podcasting. But I'm also really happy with my decision to make a quick change. And to shift accordingly with what feels right. For me. Um, So, yeah, I'm happy that you're here. I hope that you share this with people. This isn't going to be like a mind blowing. Super informative podcast in any way. Like, I don't want to give you facts about things I'd way rather give you. Feelings. Because I think they're both really important and that's what I'm better at. And that, um, It's something I can offer. Without feeling stressed out. And without feeling too much pressure about. If what I'm saying is right or wrong or who's fact-checking um, what's the latest. Like updates on things. Like I just, I just can't keep up. All I know is what I feel. All I know is. That I'm like a low key attention whore, and really, really want to be famous. I don't know how else I'm going to get the house I want. Because it's slightly out of our price range. Currently our current price range. Um, So, yeah, I'm D I'm going to keep doing this. I'm going to keep doing me. I hope you're here for that. I hope you share it with your friends. I hope you. Feel. Validated in some way. Um, I hope you keep. Commenting on my posts and stuff like. It does mean a lot. It's funny how probably like five or six years ago before Instagram got all algorithm me. Um, remember when things were like actually in chronological order and you actually saw the things that your friends were posting. It's not like that anymore, which I really, really miss. Um, oh shit. I lost my train of thought. Oh um, but I was saying to bed. I'm like I just posted 120 photos. I think I'm going to get about 10 likes total. But it's not for anyone else, but me. And it's for me to be able to. Have those things stored in a place where I can see them. I can clean out my camera roll. And I can move on. And then I can look back when I need to. And when I feel like it. And I can be. Proud of how far I've come from there. So I just, I'm so excited and I'm so. Proud. Of. Of who I've turned into. Because Two years ago, I wouldn't have. Known. That it could be this good. 10 years ago. I didn't know. It could be this good. And deep down I'm truly genuinely. In a really happy and a really good place. And I can honestly say that. I'm obsessed with my husband. I'm obsessed with my kids. I think for a long time, I was mostly just obsessed with my kids. Um, But I've put in the work and I've made the choice to also become obsessed with my husband because he's amazing. And. I think it's hard as a mom, just because you're always so involved, dealing with. So many other things outside of your marriage, but like your marriage is just always kind of there. Um, Something I've recognized and realized. And I've really been working on is the relationship with. My husband. And to really try to. Connect with him. And I don't mean connect in like a Rachel Hollis let's have sex every day in September kind of way. I just mean connect, like. Really really know him really, really choose him. And that together. We've created this. Really great life and it doesn't look a thing. Like I thought it would. And maybe that's okay. And maybe that's great actually. Maybe I had no idea what I wanted. And maybe I was being influenced. Bye. By people that just wanted me to do the same thing that they were doing so that they felt better about their lives. Like they were totally projecting. Onto me. What. What they thought. I needed or wanted, and that's not the case. And I, I just. I will be here every week. And I don't know what we're talking about. I don't know the exact. Uh, topics. I'm going to come in and I'm just gonna just do it. I'm going to take all the pressure off. Um, if you do have questions, I would love to answer them. But this is very much of log. Uh, thought flog. Because the videos are on the ground. Like it, it will be connected. To what I'm posting on my personal social media. And then what I'm posting on jello salad, social media. But I also forgot how hard it is to have multiple accounts and, um, pray for me guys. Per day. MI. Because it's hard. It's tricky. And you like don't want to do all this work without people hearing it. But I do trust that. If I do the work. The people that need to hear it are going to hear it. One way or another. So for now, this is just, how it's going to be, and I'm happy to be back. So I will see you soon. Thank you for being here. Love you. Bye.